Been quite some time, that i forgotten that i had a blog where i use to write or express my feeling trough this blog. Few years have past that i start to write in my blog to releasing my loneliness in here. This year has been a rough year for me. My father pass away on June 6 which was too sudden for me and my mom. Until now i accept the reality that my father is no longer with me but just doesn't feel right because i always remember my father being in the house and never leave. Sometime i do not know how to take care of my mother and myself, i still a student with no income. I kinda feel like useless can't do anything, sometime argue with my mother and i just can't control my anger and vent it out on my mother. I really hate myself for being so useless.
When i cry, i don't dare to cry in front of my mom. I always hide somewhere in the house and cry out loud but sometime i just want my bestfriend to hear me out or stay by my side to listen to what i want to say. For my friend that doesn't even call or message me to ask 'how are you?' and i wonder do i have any friend. I really feel so tired and have a friend to speak to but it seem so hard to have that wish come true.
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